Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
