Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
