i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
