I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
