yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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