So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
