i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
