Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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