You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
