Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
