I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
