Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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