I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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