I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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