as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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