i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
