Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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