the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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