He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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