What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
