thus making me awesome and them whores
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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