i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
