pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize