next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
