Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize