are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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