I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
