roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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