im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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