if you like me you must not know who I am
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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