The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
