good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
