Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize