I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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