so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
