I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
