R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
