I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well you can't waste a boner
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
