i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
