i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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