you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
