You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
