I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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