he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
