We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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