Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
