No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize