She said her name was "party"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
