he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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