That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
