So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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