just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
