We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
