I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
