I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
