Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
