Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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