i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
