Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
