Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
