I looked at my own cervix.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can't just leave with hair like that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
