i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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