Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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