I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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