I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
